Orangutans, otters and playing with your food

My friend recently told me a story about the orangutans at a Belgium zoo. Before the pandemic they were used to playful human interactions. After it struck, their moods were depleted once their human visitors were required to stay home. The orangutans began eating less and showing signs of depression. The zoo responded by building a river into the orangutan habitat and releasing a romp of otters. It didn’t take long for the two groups of animals to become fast friends. Now the orangutans and otters play and interact with one another regularly. The zoo brought together other groups of animals, too. Seals mingle with penguins; buffalo with zebras; gorillas with monkeys.

We share close to 100 percent of the same DNA as orangutans. If their mental health was severely impacted from not interacting or playing with others, imagine where we are at today.

We have a fundamental human need to feel a sense of belonging. To be part of something bigger than ourselves. In order to thrive we need to feel connection. And touch is just as important, if not more, than the other four senses we have categorized. (Though I think we have more than five.) A New York Times article from 2010 — back when Apple released their first iPad and Meghan Markle had a guest appearance on “CSI: Miami” — articulates how integral touch is to humans thriving. “It’s the first language we learn,” said Dacher Keltner, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.

The same article references a study about patients leaving medical appointments. The findings concluded that, “a sympathetic touch leaves people with the impression that the visit lasted twice as long.” The articles also claimed that touch benefits sports. Teams who hug or high-five tend to outperform teams who don’t. Kevin Garnett was one of the most hands-on basketball players. After every shot, he high-fived four players on average. During his career, he scored 25,000 points; 10,000 rebounds; and had 5,000 assists.

Touch and play are just is important as important to our well-being as eating a whole-foods diet and moving our bodies. When’s the last time you gave someone you didn’t know that well a hug, or played a prank on someone to make both of you laugh? My kids do this all the time. I wonder if they know something I don’t. A good friend recently told me how much fun she’s been having wearing a wig out on dates. It allows her to show up as a more playful version of herself. I love that idea.

Playfulness doesn’t only come from interactions with others. It can apply to food, too. Making food using creativity brings joy back to cooking. When’s the last time you made a mess in the kitchen without using a recipe? Or looked at what you had in your pantry and threw something together using the ingredients you had on-hand? I’ve been loving bowls of muesli from my friend Hannah at Seven Sundays, drenched in oat milk and dotted with fresh berries, pepitas, dried cranberries, cinnamon and sea salt. She suggested I mix a little bit of maple syrup and tahini in the bottom of the bowl before I pour muesli on top, then stir the maple tahini into the muesli after it’s soaked. Now I can’t eat it any other way. It feels fun to mix up all those flavors and textures in one bowl, especially in the dead of winter. Being playful with food makes eating it a more rewarding experience.

Earlier this week I opened an email from my son’s preschool teacher. In it she described the events of the day. The morning started with a small group of children who bring the classroom together using different roles. One child is a yoga teacher, another a meteorologist, a third is a kindness coach and the fourth is an engineer. When you take a step back and look at these roles from a broader lens, they cover four fundamental needs. Yoga equals spirituality and connection to body; the meteorologist signifies a relationship with the earth and climate; the kindness coach teaches how to hold empathy and connect to others; the engineer explains the importance of building and creation.

I wonder why this ends when we grow up. And why it doesn’t show up in the workplace. Why don’t we try to integrate more time in for play and connection? Why are we clamoring for profitability and efficiency. For being lean.

I want to feel full.

When I feel full I have more to give.

If I don’t feel satiated in joy and connection, I’m not able to meet others where they are at. I can’t connect to them because I am not sitting in wholeness with myself. I need to choose a connection to my spirit, my body, the earth, love, belonging and purpose. We live in a society, though, that doesn’t always value these things. We value speed, money, power, running to the verge of empty, multitasking, wearing all the hats, gogogogogo. One of the silver linings of this pandemic was learning that it felt good to slow down and just be. To let go of control and sit in simple joys like dress-up and silliness and cuddling.

Earlier this week I was laying with my youngest, his arms wrapped around me like the long limbs of an orangutan, his little bulbs of plump cheeks burrowed into the the soft tissue of my neck, and I could feel my heart growing bigger. I was a battery being recharged. I closed my eyes and felt his love for me and my love for him and that filled my soul and I could be a more patient parent when, the next morning, he tried to brush the tangles out of my hair before the sun woke up and had an accident for the fourth night in a row.

Here’s a recipe to have a little fun with, if you want a suggestion. Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks has an incredible vegetarian pozole. It calls for hominy, Serrano chile and a handful of scallions. The recipe is straightforward. The fun part is in the toppings. Here are some ideas. Cut strips of tortillas and fry them in olive oil and sprinkle on salt; squeeze citrus over sliced avocado and add it on top; add black beans and a handful of cilantro for a hearty winter soup.

P.S. I also read that monkeys take midday multi-hour naps and I’m wondering, if we are the closest relative to them, why we aren’t doing the same.

P.P.S. If you like what you read, please send it to friends to share. I am applying for a writer’s intensive through Substack and trying to grow my subscriber list before I submit my application. Thank you for sharing this, and thank you for reading.